Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

[Niemz]

Canon Rules

1 "Once you have their money, you never give it back."
DS9: "The Nagus"

3 "Never spend more for an acquisition that you have to."
DS9: "The Maquis, Part II"

6 "Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity."
DS9: "The Nagus"

7 "Keep your ears open."
DS9: "In the Hands of the Prophets"

9 "Opportunity plus instinct equals profit."
DS9: "The Storyteller"

10 "Greed is eternal."
DS9: "Prophet Motive"

16 "A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along."
DS9: "Melora"

17 "A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi."
DS9: "Body Parts"

18 "A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all."
DS9: "Heart of Stone"

21 "Never place friendship above profit."
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

22 "A wise man can hear profit in the wind."
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

23 "Nothing is more important than your health... except for your money."
ENT: "Acquisition"

28 "Whisper your way to success."
DS9: "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"

31 "Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother."
DS9: "The Siege"

33 "It never hurts to suck up to the boss."
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

34 "War is good for business."
DS9: "Destiny"

35 "Peace is good for business."
DS9: "Destiny"

45 "Expand or die."
ENT: "Acquisition"

47 "Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own."
DS9: "Rivals"

48 "The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife."
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

57 "Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them."
DS9: "Armageddon Game"

59 "Free advice is seldom cheap."
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

62 "The riskier the road, the greater the profit."
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

74 "Knowledge equals profit."
VOY: "Inside Man"

75 "Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum."
DS9: "Civil Defense"

76 "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies."
DS9: "The Homecoming"

94 "Females and finances don't mix."
DS9: "Ferengi Love Songs"

95 "Expand or die."
DS9: "False Profits"

98 "Every man has his price."
DS9: "In the Pale Moonlight"

102 "Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever."
DS9: "The Jem'Hadar"

103 "Sleep can interfere with..." [incomplete quote]
DS9: "Rules of Acquisition"

109 "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack."
DS9: "Rivals"

111 "Treat people in your debt like family: exploit them."
DS9: "Past Tense, Part I", "The Darkness and the Light"

112 "Never have sex with the boss's sister."
DS9: "Playing God"

139 "Wives serve, brothers inherit."
DS9: "Necessary Evil"

190 "Hear all, trust nothing."
DS9: "Call to Arms"

194 "It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door."
DS9: "Whispers"

203 "New customers are like razor-toothed greeworms, they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back."
DS9: "Little Green Men"

208 "Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer."
DS9: "Ferengi Love Songs"

211 "Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them."
DS9: "Bar Association"

214 "Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach."
DS9: "The Maquis, Part I"

217 "You can't free a fish from water."
DS9: "Past Tense, Part I"

229 "Latinum lasts longer than lust."
DS9: "Ferengi Love Songs"

239 "Never be afraid to mislabel a product."
DS9: "Body Parts"

263 "Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum."
DS9: "Bar Association"

285 "No good deed ever goes unpunished."
DS9: "The Collaborator"

[Kitty]

The rules listed below have all been stated on-screen, were listed in The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition by Ira Steven Behr, or were listed in Legends of the Ferengi by Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe.

* 1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.

* 2. The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.

* 3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.

* 4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.

*5. ?

* 6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity/profit.

* 7. Keep your ears open.

* 8. Small print leads to large risk.

* 9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

* 10. Greed is eternal.

* 11. Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.

* 12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

* 13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

*14. ?
*15. ?

* 16. A deal is a deal.

* 17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi.

* 18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

* 19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

*20. ?

* 21. Never place friendship above profit.

* 22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

* 23. Nothing is more important than your health. Except for your money.

*24. ?
*25. ?
*26. ?

* 27. There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

*28. ?
*29. ?
*30. ?

* 31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother...Insult something he cares about instead

*32. ?

* 33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

* 34. War is good for business.

* 35. Peace is good for business.

*36. ?
*37. ?
*38. ?
*39. ?

* 40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.

* 41. Profit is its own reward.

*42. ?
*43. ?

* 44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.

* 45. Expand or die. (The 95th rule is also given as "Expand or die" on one occasion.)

*46. ?

* 47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

* 48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

*49. ?
*50. ?
*51. ?

* 52. Never ask when you can take.

*53. ?
*54. ?
*55. ?
*56. ?

* 57. Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.

* 58. There is no substitute for success.

* 59. Free advice is seldom cheap.

* 60. Keep your lies consistent.

*61. ?

* 62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

*63. ?
*64. ?

* 65. Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.

*66. ?
*67. ?
*68. ?
*69. ?
*70. ?
*71. ?
*72. ?
*73. ?

* 74. Knowledge equals profit.

* 75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.

* 76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies!

*78. ?

* 79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

*80. ?
*81. ?

* 82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

*83. ?
*84. ?

* 85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.

*86. ?
*87. ?
*88. ?

* 89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

*90. ?
*91. ?
*92. ?
*93. ?

* 94. Females and finances don't mix.

* 95. Expand or die. (The 45th rule was also given as "expand or die" on one occasion.)

*96. ?

* 97. Enough... is never enough.

* 98. Every man has his price.

* 99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.

*100. ?
*101. ?

* 102. Nature decays, but latinum is forever.

* 103. Sleep can interfere with... [cut off]. (The rest of the 103rd rule was never stated onscreen as Pel was interrupted before finishing.)

* 104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory.

*105. ?

* 106. There is no honor in poverty.

*107. ?
*108. ?

* 109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth a sack.

*110. ?

* 111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them.

* 112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.

* 113. Always have sex with the boss.

*114. ?
*115. ?
*116. ?
*117. ?
*118. ?
*119. ?
*120. ?

* 121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.

* 123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.

* 125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.

* 139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.

* 141. Only fools pay retail.

* 144. There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.

* 162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.

* 168. Whisper your way to success.

* 177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.

* 181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

* 189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

* 190. Hear all; trust nothing.

* 192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.

* 194. It's always good business to know about your customers before they walk in your door.

* 202. The justification of profit is profit.

* 203. New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.

* 208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.

* 211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.

* 214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

* 217. You can't free a fish from water.

* 218. Always know what you're buying.

* 223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

* 229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.

* 236. You can't buy fate.

* 239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

* 242. More is good... all is better.

* 255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.

* 261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

* 263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.

* 266. When in doubt, lie.

* 284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.

* 285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

The Unwritten Rule

"When no appropriate rule applies, make one up."

Unofficial rules

The character of Quark proposed adding a 286th rule: "When Morn leaves, it's all over."

The character of Neelix, while posing as the Ferengi Grand Proxy, told Arridor and Kol that the 299th rule was: "Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them (that way it's easier to exploit them the next time)."

A conversation between the characters of Nog and Jake Sisko implied the existence of a rule similar to: "Money is money, but females are better".

Each of the rules below was quoted on-screen, but was not formally stated as being one of the Rules of Acquisition and/or was not numbered.

* When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.

* Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.

* Exploitation begins at home.

* Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.

* Respect is good, but latinum is better.

[Kitty]

Revised Rules for the Modern Ferengi

A revised list of rules was created by Grand Nagus Zek in the DS9 episode "Prophet Motive". After consulting a Bajoran orb, the Bajoran Prophets changed Zek, eliminating his greed and thirst for profit. Once Zek was restored to his normal self, the original rules were restored and all copies of the revised rules were to be destroyed.

* 1. If they want their money back, give it to them.
* 10. Greed is dead.
* 21. Never place profit before friendship.
* 22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.
* 23. Money can never replace dignity.
* 285. A good deed is its own reward.

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Stages of Acquisition

In addition to the Rules, Ferengi recognize five Stages of Acquisition:

1. Infatuation
2. Justification
3. Appropriation
4. Obsession
5. Resale

[earthcrusher]

How could I acquire Kira???

[brenn]

Everything is for sale right?

[Niemz]

Everything & anything

[earthcrusher]

OK 20 gold pressed latinum bars for Kira

[Lexi]

Sorry, you're in the wrong sector - the Orion Syndicate is thataway.

[Mr. Atoz]

That's a lot of material to digest. I was writing a story the other day with a Ferengi character, and there was a dispute over the ownership of some merchandise he had. I wanted him to say, "Possession is nine-tenths of the law," or something similar. Can anyone tell me if there is a Rule of Acquisition like that?

[Lexi]

Well, I checked out trusty Memory Alpha, and I'm afraid there's nothing quite like that. The nearest thing I can find is "A man is only worth the sum of his possessions" (ENT: Acquisition) and a very helpful "unwritten rule": "When no appropriate rule applies, make one up" (VOY: False Profits). The former is unnumbered, so you could give it a number yourself if you want to use it, but I'd suggest choosing one that hasn't been taken yet (bearing in mind that, by the 24th century, there are 285). Equally plausible is the possibility of creating a new rule (again, keeping in mind the numbers already taken for continuity's sake).

Good luck!

[Mr. Atoz]

I thought about making up a new Rule of Acquisition, but I knew the story would be read by Trekkies and worried that they knew them by heart. In the end, I just had him say, "Possession is ninety-nine one hundredths of the law..." -- and about then found a disruptor pistol pointed in his face.

[Mr. Atoz]

If you want to read the story, BTW, you can go to
startrek911.proboards29.com/index.cgi?board=fanfic
The story is called "The Qua'Dule". But actually "Arachne's Curse" comes before it in chronological order. The other two stories are parodies.

[Lexi]

Thanks!

I'll get reading that when I have an opportunity; lover of fan-fiction as I am, I have a million things to do at the moment, but it's getting bookmarked for later ^^

[andrewlee]

Nov 11, 2007 17:04:41 GMT -6 earthcrusher said:

How could I acquire Kira???

I don't recall the name of the episode, but Quark did try to acquire an accurate holo-image of Kira for one of his paying costumers. It back fired on him and was one of the funniest scenes on DS9!!

[dax321]

For christmas I got, in my stocking, a book of the rules of Aquisition along with Klingon Dictionary. I am determened to learn all the rules aha