Niemz
Fleet Admiral 
[M:-817]
"If I were human, I believe the correct response would be 'Go to Hell'" -- Spock
Posts: 2,282
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Post by Niemz on Apr 3, 2008 20:51:42 GMT -6
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore 
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on Apr 8, 2008 11:30:13 GMT -6
"Come on and Walk Like a Man...
Fast as you can...
Walk Like a Man my so-o-on...
No woman's worth...
Crawling on the Earth...
So Walk Like a Man, my son..."
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Niemz
Fleet Admiral
[M:-817]
"If I were human, I believe the correct response would be 'Go to Hell'" -- Spock
Posts: 2,282
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Post by Niemz on Apr 14, 2008 22:53:39 GMT -6
What is that from?
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on Apr 30, 2008 10:49:17 GMT -6
That's an old Frankie Valley song from the 60s. Just looking at the picture, that sprang to mind as a caption. You know -- lead singer, three backup singers all singing in unison...oh never mind.  |
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on May 2, 2008 8:02:45 GMT -6
How many Starfleet officers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five -- a Captain to order a Commander to order a Lieutenant to order an Ensign to order a Crewman to do it.
How many Vulcans does it take?
Trick question. Vulcans would rather sit by candlelight than tax their mathematically perfect brainwaves figuring out how to change a light bulb.
How many Bajorans?
How many to the Prophets say it should take?
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Niemz
Fleet Admiral
[M:-817]
"If I were human, I believe the correct response would be 'Go to Hell'" -- Spock
Posts: 2,282
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Post by Niemz on May 2, 2008 20:33:56 GMT -6
Good one!
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on May 7, 2008 11:06:19 GMT -6
How many ship's counsellors does it take?
Let's talk about how sitting in the dark makes you feel...
How many Borg does it take?
Lighting is irrelevent -- resistance is futile!
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Lexi
Lieutenant Commander 
[M:0]
Posts: 192
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Post by Lexi on Jun 15, 2008 0:04:46 GMT -6
Heck, some of those inspirational posters are hilarious. My personal favourite:  |
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on Jun 19, 2008 8:05:03 GMT -6
A newly appointed Federation diplomat and her husband were attending a trade conference on Cardassia. When they checked into their hotel suite, she began thinking, "It would be just like those Cardassians to put a surveillance device in our room." Her husband tried to reassure her that she was only a minor attache and wasn't really carrying any secrets worth bothering with, but she insisted they search the room.
Sure enough, under the bed they found a metal plate with a small dome on it, securely fastened to the floor. After a couple of hours work, they managed to pry it loose, take it out into the corridor, and drop it into a disposal chute.
Next morning, when they went downstairs for the conference, the desk clerk asked if they had had a pleasant sleep. When they said that they had, he replied, "I'm so relieved! The couple in the room directly below yours didn't. For some reason we can't explain, in the middle of the night their chandelier fell on the bed!"
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Lexi
Lieutenant Commander
[M:0]
Posts: 192
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Post by Lexi on Jun 19, 2008 22:43:38 GMT -6
That one's quite funny; I actually didn't see the punchline coming xD
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on Jul 18, 2009 7:23:27 GMT -6
Worf gets a call from the ship's classroom monitor. "Sir, we had to suspend Alexander from using the recreation facilities for making wee wee in the swimming pool."
Steam literally boils out of Worf's ears. "How do you know it was Alexander? Just because he is Klingon--? This is--!"
"Sir, he was standing on the diving board at the time."
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Decind
Captain 
[M:-49]
Posts: 695
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Post by Decind on Jul 18, 2009 20:19:26 GMT -6
Nice. Very good.
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on Aug 7, 2009 7:43:08 GMT -6
Can't afford a vacation on Risa this year? No problem! Simulate one!
1. Pack your luggage as if going on a trip. Then toss one random suitcase in a dumpster, to simulate it being destroyed/eaten by underpaid Malurian baggage handlers.
2. Duplicate inevitable spaceport delay by wasting four hours at a convenience store.
3. Listen to sound effects CD of construction work at high volume for five hours, as if the space line had sat you next to a bickering Ferengi family with a screaming infant.
4. Sit on the curb outside your house for 90 minutes, because your lodging chamber isn't ready yet.
5. Toss your remaining luggage in the bathtub and soak it good, to simulate that you arrived on the one day out of the year when Risa's weather control system is turned off for maintenance.
6. First night of your vacation, take a five mile walk instead of eating dinner, because you got lost trying to find the hotel dining room.
7. Set your alarm for 5 a.m. to receive the wake up call intended for the lodging chamber next to yours. Have someone knock on the door every half hour bellowing, "Housekeeping!" in a Klingon accent.
8. Turn off the air conditioning, and call an imaginary desk clerk who never sends a maintenance man.
9. Remain in bed most of the second day because of third degree sunburn received after falling asleep on the beach on the first day.
10. For the full tropical experience, dump two liters of sand in your bed.
11. Eat at a strange restaurant, but grunt and point at the menu as if the native waiters are unable to understand a word you say.
12. Remain in hiding most of the third day because the cute young chick you thought was looking for jamaharan was actually a Denobulan transvestite with three extremely jealous wives.
13. Spend most of your time on the Internet, telling all your friends what a GREAT time you're having!
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Post by Mr. Atoz on Sept 19, 2009 7:42:40 GMT -6
These two Klingons walk out of a bar... hey, it COULD happen!
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Niemz
Fleet Admiral
[M:-817]
"If I were human, I believe the correct response would be 'Go to Hell'" -- Spock
Posts: 2,282
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Post by Niemz on Sept 22, 2009 22:08:39 GMT -6
Nice to see a new face around here!
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