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Jokes
Aug 24, 2011 7:10:17 GMT -6
Post by Thallassa on Aug 24, 2011 7:10:17 GMT -6
Why a cat is better than a man...
You can find a nice cat by advertising on a card in a shop window or in the classifieds.
Cats don't leave puddles on the bathroom floor.
Middle-aged cats don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
You don't have to worry who your cat is dreaming about.
Good-looking cats don't know they're good looking.
Cats don't complain about the amount of money you spend on clothes.
Cats don't get embarrassed when you call them bya pet name when their friends are around.
With cats, the toilet seat stays just where you left it.
Cats don't compare you to a centerfold.
You can neuter cats legally.
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore 
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Aug 31, 2011 12:05:15 GMT -6
Post by Mr. Atoz on Aug 31, 2011 12:05:15 GMT -6
ROFL! You aren't thinking of somebody in particular, are you?
***
You know you're a cat lover when you stay in the same position all night because it disturbs the cat when you move.
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Jokes
Sept 2, 2011 9:31:29 GMT -6
Post by Thallassa on Sept 2, 2011 9:31:29 GMT -6
Don't I know it!  |
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2011 9:06:19 GMT -6
Post by Mr. Atoz on Dec 2, 2011 9:06:19 GMT -6
Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird
Anthony Watson, sentenced to prison in 1992 for crimes that included rape and robbery, through successful appeals managed to reduce his 160 year sentence to 26 years. He WAS scheduled to be released in 2018, however he filed one appeal too many. A court ruled in his favor and ordered a new trial -- vacating the conviction and sentence and with it the reductions Watson had worked so hard for. At the 2011 retrial, he was found guilty again and sentenced to four consecutive life terms.
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Feb 23, 2012 8:52:05 GMT -6
Post by Mr. Atoz on Feb 23, 2012 8:52:05 GMT -6
News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd---
Because this past Christmas fell on a Sunday, nearly one in ten Protestant churches in the United States reported having canceled services that day for fear of poor attendance (according to a poll by Lifeway Research).
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Once again a genius tried to pass a piece of U.S. currency not even close to legal tender. Michael Fuller, 53, was arrested in Lexington N.C. when a Walmart cashier turned him in after he attempted to buy electronics totallng $475.78 with a One Million Dollar bill (and apparently expecting $999,524.22 in change)!
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A regional development commission in Michigan, purchasing equipment for 13 counties using a Homeland Security grant, bought 13 snow-cone machines, at a total cost of $11,700. Officials pointed out that the machines make shaved ice, which might be useful for medical situations stemming from natural disasters and heat emergencies.
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Doreen Wallace fell in the lobby of the Greater Niagara General Hospital in Ontario and broke her hip. Though it was less than 150 feet from the lobby to the emergency room, hospital personnel instructed her to call an ambulance to take her around to the ER. It did not arrive for 30 minutes.
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Anthony Miranda, 24, was arrested and charged with armed robbery in Chicago, after unknowingly choosing as his victim an "Ultimate Fighting" champion. OUCH!
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Mr. Atoz
Commodore
Starbase 242 VCO[M:0]
Posts: 1,087
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2017 7:44:11 GMT -6
Post by Mr. Atoz on Apr 28, 2017 7:44:11 GMT -6
A prominent politician was involved in a tragic car accident and died. He woke up in front of the Pearly Gates, amazed, and was about to walk through when the angel on duty stopped him.
"Because of the complaints we've been getting from Seculars, we have just instituted a new policy," the angel said. "You get to chose whether you go to Heaven or to Hades."
"That's great!" the politician said. "I chose Heaven!"
"Not so fast," said the angel. "You're required to spent one day in Hades, then one day in Heaven. Then you chose."
So the angel took the politician down to Hades. He was surprised to find that it looked like a country club. Many of his friends were there, with beautiful supermodels on their arms, drinking champagne and cognac and having a wonderful time.
The next day the angel took him to Heaven. There were the usual wings and harps, and overall it was pretty good, but not nearly as much fun as the day he had spent in Hades. So the politician reluctantly decided that he had rather spend eternity in Hades.
"Very well," said the angel, and instantly transported the both of them to Hades. It was nothing like the country club they had visited the previous day. It was nothing but hot fire and brimstone, with little devils continually tormenting him.
"What happened?" the politician complained. "Why is it so different?"
"It's very simple," the angle said with a smirk. "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."
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